Monday, April 14, 2014

Effort

I'm curious to hear how effort plays apart in all of your friendships. Once college ends there comes a time when you begin working full time and you no longer spend your days in constant contact. Life tends to get messy and there are always meetings to attend, errands to run and when you get that little amount of downtime, it's easy to understand why you want to spend it sitting on the couch in complete silence with only the sounds of trashy reality television playing in the background. 

Within the last year I've seen a particular change in a few friendships and it's definitely caused me to re-evaluate what I want in my life and whether I wish to move forward with certain people. I think the primary issue that tends to frustrate me more than other things is effort. At what point do we stop making an effort for someone who clearly makes no effort on their end. I have plenty of friends who I wont see for weeks but the second we reunite its like old times, and thats okay with me because everyone is busy. But I still really appreciate the person who despite being busy for 4 weeks in a row, calls me on the 5th week and says "Hey, I haven't seen you in forever, lets go get drinks". Moral of the story is, I don't think friendship is a one way street.

I normally have the mentality of inviting everyone when I plan something, my mother always gave me the advice "don't give them anything to throw in your face later on." But when time after time I invite someone someplace and they choose not to reply or they always have an excuse- at what point do I stop calling? Also at what point do I stop inviting someone who clearly has different behavior ideas as myself. Overall, this post is mainly about letting go of those who don't really impact my life in a positive manner. I want to surround myself with people who make me smile and show true effort in maintaining a healthy relationship. Unfortunately this may mean that I have to let go of friendships that have been in existence since I was a child, which makes me sad. 
Side note: after re-reading this post it sounds super depressing which is the opposite of what I am actually feeling. I need to reinforce that I have amazing friends who I could not imagine my life without. It's just this strange effect of growing up where we all experience this shift in friends and we become more aware of what we want. 

Partners in Crime

How important is effort in friendships?
xoxo

14 comments:

  1. You are so right. After college, both ends of the relationship have to strive to keep it going or it just won't work! I have my little core group that this works well with!

    madeintheshadeblog.com

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    1. I can definitely relate to the little core group Becky--- thats better than having a bunch of acquaintances!
      xo, Alex

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  2. I totally agree with the two way street. Friendship is all about give and take and everyone needs to put in effort to make it work!

    Hunter
    Prep on a Budget

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    1. Very true Hunter! Thanks for the input.
      xo, Alex

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  3. You are spot on with this post! I'm actually dealing with trying to decide if certain friendships have ran their course or if I want to fight to keep them? It's exhausting really. Good to know someone else is experiencing the same thing!

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    1. It's somewhat (weirdly) comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this.... guess it's a part of growing up. Thanks Myla!
      xo, Alex

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  4. A million years ago I was told that people come into your life for a season. Sometimes that season lasts a lifetime. Sometimes that season lasts a few years. Sometimes it's literally a season. And when relationships end, in this case friendships, it's not always because of something dramatic. Rather you have both gained what you needed for that particular season and it's time for you both to move on. The season simply ends.

    I have had my share of friend cycles. And honestly, it never really ends. It's sort of a life- long thing to have people come and go from your life. It took me years to realize though that it's not always a bad thing to lose a friend. Sometimes it's just no longer working for you.

    I will also note that for me anyway, there were a few years right after college when my friends and I all lived across the globe. We were young and just starting out and Facebook didn't exist (gasp!). We drifted. But after a few years and minimal catch up a few times a year calls, we mostly came back to the core group. We have group texts and Facebook (all hail social media), and yearly trips. So perhaps this is just sort of a dip in your friend pool from college. But don't count everyone out yet. Good true friends have a great way of coming back into your life just when you need them the most.

    In the mean time, let's plan a date to go get drinks again and enjoy the sunshine with the other local blog girls.

    KK

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    1. Really appreciate the comment KK! It really made me re-think things. I've never heard that "friendships last a season" saying but you're right, it's so true.
      Side note: Yes! Once the weather finally gets nice (and stays nice) lets get together and go somewhere we can sit outside!!
      xo
      Alex

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  5. Friendships take effort. We no longer get to see our friends every day at school, or live with them in college! It sucks, but it makes the time with them that much more special.
    www.amemoryofus.blogspot.com

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  6. I LOVE this post! I have graduated college and about to graduate law school and I feel like my true friends have shown their colors. There are the friends I talk to daily. always.

    But then there are the friends I haven't seen in 4 months due to busy / conflicting schedules, but every time we get together we pick up exactly where we left off. Those friends would stop everything if I called needing help, and I'd do the same for them.

    What I have found some of my better friends, have turned into a 1-way relationship. There is a limit on the amount of times you can call / text / email someone without ever getting a response. This situation has been a particular burden recently.

    Thank for a great post!

    Whitney

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    1. Thanks Whitney. Nice to see I have fellow blogger friends in the same boat as me!
      xo
      Alex

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